You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He passed out mid-signature
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
