so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
