I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
