I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
