So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
