Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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