oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
