Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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