I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
