its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
