You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
