shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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