omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
