he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just found puke in my bra..
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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