I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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