how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
