does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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