So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize