i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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