We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
