How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
True strength comes from lack of pants
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
