FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
