You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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