So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
