apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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