Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
