You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I hate all girls vehemently.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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