when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
