Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
