i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
