I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
