I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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