i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
