Where are you?
In a non slutty way
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
