Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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