apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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