i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
