This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
