Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
