I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
