chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
