like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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