You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
