I just saw a hot homeless man
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
