Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
