i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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