ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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