we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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