u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
