This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
