just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
