Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We have started to decorate penises.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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