I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
