end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
